Relationship problems after the birth of our first child. Please help!?

Question:

So let me start by saying that my fiance and I love each other very much, he's a great man, a wonderful father, and provider. Our son is 2 1/2 months old. We have hit a rocky point in our relationship. Fortunatly for me, living in NJ we get extra time off after having a child to bond, so I don't go back to work for another 2 weeks yet. Our problem is that he thinks that sitting home taking care of a baby is an easy job. Granted my son is a wonderful baby that for the most part is happy and sleeps very well at night. I'm constantly complaining to my fiance that he comes home from work and takes a few hour nap almost everyday. I'm tired too, but I don't get to sleep during the day! He even made a comment the other day that "I'm on vacation". He still goes out somedays with his friends and comes and goes as he pleases, and I never give him a hard time about it, he even went out last weekend til the wee hours of the morning cause he went to a bachelor party, and I didn't mind. The other night I went to a friends house for like 3 hours and he got all pissed off cause I left him home with the baby (and he had off work the next day, so it's not like he had to be up early), how can he be pissed off that I went out for 3 hours? That was all I went out all week! And to throw it in my face he went out all afternoon yesterday fishing with the guys...so it's ok for him, but not for me? I'm really tempted to leave the baby with him for a week or so and go stay at my mom's (she lives right in town), only problem with that is he has to work and who would watch the baby? That or I'm debating on taking my baby and staying at my mom's for him to realize what he has and that he needs to stop taking advantage of me just because I'm not working right now (he expects me to do everything around the house and take care of the baby, which I don't mind the housekeeping...I mind the fact that It's not appreciated). Has anyone gone through this with their other half?? If so, how did you deal with it? I'm sure I'm not the only person that's gone through this, but how do I make him realize that what I do all day isn't easy and that I have a right to be tired and stressed too? Any advise or personal experiences is appreciated. Thanks so much

Answers:

My husband and I have been through the same stuff and we have two girls.

Parenting is a 24/7 job. There is no vacation to raising children.If you are stuck staying home all day while he is at work,then by all means put your foot down.Everyone needs a down time.better known as "ME" time. If he can't see that, then he is not thinking about your feelings.If he refuses to see it that way, then it would be better to move in with your mother.My advise would be is ask your mom about you and baby to move in and see whether there is a change in attitude.

ETA: When I was working full time my husband and I split all the chores as well. Now that I stay home, I do everything. Well, almost. He does the outside work because he likes too and I don't. But I see that as being my job as a stay at home mom. My job is too look after my son, my husband and my house, in that order. Maybe I'm old fashioned, but that's just how I feel. I don't think he should have to help out with the housework if I've been home all day. He does watch our son while I do chores like clean the bathroom and sometimes he'll do a load of laundry, but I never ask him too. That's just how I see things.

best of luck!

BTW, it is going to get much worse once you start back to work. I sure hope he plans on helping you out then.I would sit down and talk to him about it. DO NOT use your baby to prove anything. Your son is an innocent sweet baby and does not deserve to be thrown into the middle... parents should love their children enough to not use their children against the other parent. A baby is not a point to be proven, he's a sweet, precious, helpless baby. Good luckyou forced him into fatherhood without even being married and getting used to each other and you wonder WHY it isn't working? HE's to immature to BE a father or husband! It's HARD when you do everything the RIGHT way, you did it ALL BACKWARDS, how can you possibly think it's going to work?